A Conversation

The following is a rough transcript of an incredibly curious phone call I received at work just as I was getting ready to shut down the desk for the weekend this past Friday evening.

[Note: Certain names and locations may have been changed to protect the innocent]

........

Ashley: Thank you for calling Acme FoodService, how may I direct your call?

(man on the other line answers with a thick Arabic accent...and there's a lot of noise in the background...it's probably a telemarketer)

Man: What kind of company is this?
Ashley: This is Acme FoodService, we're a Foodservice distribution company, how can I help you?
Man: Foodservice? You mean this isn't a cat company?
Ashley: A--a cat company??
Man: Yes, I got this number from a friend. I need to order a specific breed of cat, and he told me that this is the number for a cat company, where you can order whatever kind of cat you need.
Ashley: (stifling a laugh) No sir *giggle* this isn't a cat company...
Man: (detecting my amusement) Ohh....I guess it's pretty funny, that I call for a cat business, but you are a food business, yes? This is funny?
Ashley: Yes, I think that's kinda funny.

(now, at this point, he should say something like, "I see, hahah, well I'm sorry to take up your time, I obviously have the wrong number", right? No, watch this...)

Man: I see, well, I'm sorry about that Miss. *assumes professional tone of voice* Now if I may have just a minute of your time, I just have one more question to ask you...
Ashley: And what is that?

(I'm thinking, "ohh...he is a telemarketer! Now he's going to ask for the address and a contact name so he can send us some print materials free of charge, etc." No, watch this...)

Man: Do you have a boyfriend?
(please note that this is still in a professional, telemarketer-type tone of voice)
Ashley: *laughs out loud* I'm sorry, what did you just say?
Man: Yes ma'am, I can repeat myself. My question to was 'do you have a boyfriend?'
Ashley: *looks around* Hahaha! Who is this??

(I happened to glance at my phone, and noticed that this person had called me, not on the business line, but on my personal line...hmm...)

Man: (still in professional tone of voice) Yes, ma'am I realize that this is a very personal question, but I just need to verify that you do or do not have a boyfriend.
Ashley: Is this a joke? Who is this??
Man: Oh, do you not recognize my voice?
Ashley: No.
Man: We met about a year ago! I'm not surprised that you don't remember me.
Ashley: Oh did we then? How did you get this number?
Man: Uhm, I got it from a friend.
Ashley: Which friend?
Man: Uh...G-George.

(I know no George)

Ashley: (in a sarcastically bright tone) Oh! You got my number from George!
Man: Yeah!
Ashley: (with a plastered-on smile you can hear through the phone) George gave you my phone number...
Man: (not detecting my sarcasm, sounding relieved) Yes!
Ashley: (dropping pleasantry and speaking in a very flat tone) Do you even know who this is?
Man: I'm sorry, what?
Ashley: Do you know who you're speaking with?
Man: Do I speak English??
Ashley: NO. Do you know who you've called?
Man: I see, uh....well ma'am, I'm having trouble understanding you now, so I'll let you go...goodbye...take care of yourself...goodbye.

.....

At first I just thought it was funny....then, the more I thought about it, the creepier it seemed to me. :-P So I asked the security guard to just keep an eye on me on the monitor while I walked out to the parking lot, but when he heard about the call, he insisted on escorting me to my car. When we got there, he checked to make sure nobody was hiding in the back seat. hehe. And then he advised, "Now Ashley, you lock all your doors and drive straight home, okay? Don't make any stops along the way. And if you notice that someone's following you, you just circle right back around and come back here, and we'll take care of you, okay? Be safe, young lady..."

Fear not, I made it home unstalked and unscathed...I choose to believe that it was just a random-dial telemarketer who got bored at work.

Anyway, I just thought the whole thing was incredibly strange/funny/unusual/bloggable. So uh, yeah...I thought I'd share it. ;-)

.....

Until next time, dear readers, I remain...

Quintessentially yours,
~Ashley Michele~