Et Cetera

So I guess it's time to blog again.

Thanks to everyone who wished me happy birthday and made it even lovlier.
I truly thought that my birthday would be much more melancholy than it actually was, what with it being my first birthday without Mom. It was a little surreal at times...like when I had my birthday dinner at the same Olive Garden where I ate with Mom and Dad for my birthday last year. This time it was just Dad and me.

Just Dad and me.

There is far more melancholy in those four words than I choose to consider.

And melancholy seems to be the word for the day. Do you ever have a day (or a week, or two weeks, or a month) where nothing seems to hold together? Where the seams of everything you know seem to be coming apart all around you?
Many of my friends told me that my nineteenth birthday would come with the shocking realization that it's my last year to be a teenager. After this, I'll be in my twenties.
But that wasn't so weird for me. Maybe because "being a teenager" was never terribly important to me. Or maybe because it was eclipsed by the overwhelming view I got when I looked back and saw this past year trailing behind me. Yeah, it was hindsight that truly threw me for a loop. How much has changed between this birthday and the last! So much of that change was set into motion in such a short amount of time. I'm sure I'll expound on that recollection in the coming weeks.
For now, suffice it to say I never would have pictured my life to be this way. Nor would I have chosen it. But I think maybe that doesn't matter so much, although the view behind me still scares me sometimes.
..........

I got sick earlier in the week. Called work and told them I wasn't coming. Come next morning, I was fine, save a scratchy throat. The scratchy throat lingered and Friday it really hurt. And I would lose my voice in the middle of a few sentences. Eh, it gave me an excuse to eat something frozen for breakfast. So I pulled out the Haagen-Dazs sorbet and ate that at the front desk that morning. I thought I was feeling better, but then, 'round about 8:30 or 9:00 this morning, everything hit me at once. I got a headache, which was brought on by the fever to which I had suddenly fallen victim. My throat was killing me and nausea was coming in waves. Augh, it was awful. I was e-mailing a friend of mine when I decided that it might be a good idea to go home early. But I still had 300 driver applications to screen! So I decided if I felt just as bad or worse in a half hour, I'd go home. I felt functional within 15 minutes.
Go figure.
..........

I was looking over my friend Ethan's blog the other day. He quoted a song I'd never heard before...

The fears are great in your mind
Your heart just aches for a sign
But there is hope and there is grace
In these gray skies

And it's okay to cry (it's okay to cry)
It's okay to wonder why
And as your tears fall down, they heal the ground
A place that once was dry
It's okay to cry


...oh my gosh, when I read that...I wanted to cry. Really, with being sick, and having this monumental birthday that is only monumental because of the surrounding circumstances, and singing in the Christmas choir and suddenly coming to the realization that Mom is NOT in the soprano section behind me and to the right, and having to deal with all of the introspective junk that comes with all of it....and then, right before me, there it is: "It's okay to cry".


Hm.



..........

"And now for something completely different!"

I got my pictures from Missouri all nice and uploaded on Photobucket. So here are the pictures from my epic last Monday in MO...

http://s118.photobucket.com/albums/o103/missashleymichele/My%20Last%20Day%20in%20MO/

...watch it as a slideshow, and it's even better. ;-P
...........

Thanks for letting me ramble again. Kudos and snaps to anyone who finished. ;-)
That's all, folks!